Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Mother's Grief #31days

Welcome to my first post in my 31 day Journey, to share how I deal with grief and inspiration for, my daughter's death in 2013. I'm taking two blog challenges, the first one to write about one topic and then write for a total of 5 minutes each day. I hope this blog touches you or let you know that you have a friend that's listening.

They say a picture is worth a 1,000 words. This quote is what I ask myself each day. Every grief group I attend; they tell me my grief is going to mature me. I don't understand how it's maturing me, because there are days; I don't want to come out of bed. I remembered I was mature enough to handle death, but I wasn't ready for the destruction of my daughter at the age of 15. 

I ask God, was I really that bad as a parent? I still feel guilty that I didn't do enough to get a family court's to realize that my daughter wasn't in a safe, loving home. When I was raising my voice; it just got silence over the abuser's hand. 

Then I ask myself was I one of the worst parents out here? I can state with pride that I'm not; because as a mother; I fought for my daughter and dropped thousands of dollars; trying to protect my daughter; when the family court did nothing but just handle her like a number until her demise in 2013.

The final question, I commence my day with is How come God chose me to take this load? I'm still searching for that answer, and I hope to have it at the end of this journey. I only can think of one thing right now. Maybe, I was put on this help to help parent's understand grief and how to protect their children while they are going through Parental Alienation or any type of abuse.

*I have dyslexia, so if any tense are wrong, please send me an email. Thanks.