Acceptance

Acceptance of death when it arrives is one thing, but to allow it to upstage the joys of living is ingratitude. I'm learning this now and I'm starting to live again, day by day. 

Read More

Private Conversations

Memory is like a glass. A person who has died is still visible, very close. But we can no longer contact each other. Death is mute; it excludes conversations, only allows silence. Henning Market

Read More

Shock

Totally agree, losing my daughter still hurts! These past couple of days, I rely on quotes to get me    through and today is no different. I'm still lost for words on how could this be possible.

Read More

Denial and Isolation

It's been a year and 1 month since my daughter passed away. I must say that I'm still in denial and I don't believe that she's not here any longer. When I still feel her presence wrap around me makes it hard to say, that she's not here. When I see her daughter's eyes, it feels like my daughter is still here. This part of grief that I can't shake is the denial.

I'm still isolated from the world, as I go from my bedroom back from the bathroom. I find a little strength to blog about how I'm feeling for the day and go back to being all by myself. I know this will be temporary, but it seems like a lifetime.

How do you deal with denial or isolation? 

Read More

Memories

I can just remember all the good times, we had together.

In this picture, was in front of our rental house in Disney World

These are the memories I'll cherish and hold on to. Not the picture of her with sadness in her eyes. 

Today, I'm at a lost for words and only pictures can tell my story.  

Read More

Joy

Read More

I Can't Get Out of Bed

Today started out not a great day, but I have to make some effort because I have a Girl Scout meeting that I have to attend. Since the death of my daughter, I just don't want to get out of bed. I just want to lay and see if I can hear her call my name.

As I lay in the bed, I finally heard my daughter's voice. She told me to get up because a girl at my Girl Scout meeting will need me today. I listen, and I finally got out of bed, took a shower and start my day.

Sometimes, it will be a struggle to get out of bed. Just take your time and listen to the stillness and before you know it; you'll be getting through your day.

Now, when I'm in my bed, I listen for her voice to guide my day.

Read More

Comfort

Last night, was the first night in awhile that I was able to sleep the whole night through. Even though I slept the whole night, I still got up around 4:40 am in panic and a cry fit. 

I cried because I'm never going to see my daughter again and tell her how beautiful she was; no matter how much her grandmother and father try to break her down.

I cried because I'm never going to be able to tell her why I was fighting for her so bad. 

I cried because I'm never going to see how she mature into a beautiful woman.

My fondest memory of my daughter, is when she was 6 years old; we had our normal monthly visit and I got her to dress her up as Cinderella. She look beautiful and I didn't know that our time was short. 

I had this in my inbox and I decided to share it, because even though I'm having a bad morning; I'm finding comfort in the memories we made for the short time our loved one's was here. Cherish the memories because that's what truly carries you through.

How are you feeling today?

Read More

2 Ways to Challenge Grief

I totally agree, grief is a terrible, painful place. We are experience grief at one time or another; but nothing will prepare you when you lose a child. When my aunt lost her child, I couldn't understand what she was going through; until the day I lost mine. I can just remember, people telling my aunt keep praying and working on your grief; one day you'll find happiness again. Now, some people say the same thing to me. 

You can't really work on grief because it's a place that takes the life out of you. I used to be a very motivated woman; now all I want to do is stay home and hide. There are times; when I forget my keys in the house, wear my pajama's to the store and just forget that I'm living. This is what grief does to me. It makes me feel like a failure and I don't like to fail; so I'm taking this grief very hard. I know time will eventually make's things better. In reality it's not that time makes it better it's that you know how to deal with it; so you can move on.

Please share with me how you are moving on from grief. I need to hear other's stories, today is not a good day. 

Read More

Mother's Grief #31days

Welcome to my first post in my 31 day Journey, to share how I deal with grief and inspiration for, my daughter's death in 2013. I'm taking two blog challenges, the first one to write about one topic and then write for a total of 5 minutes each day. I hope this blog touches you or let you know that you have a friend that's listening.

They say a picture is worth a 1,000 words. This quote is what I ask myself each day. Every grief group I attend; they tell me my grief is going to mature me. I don't understand how it's maturing me, because there are days; I don't want to come out of bed. I remembered I was mature enough to handle death, but I wasn't ready for the destruction of my daughter at the age of 15. 

I ask God, was I really that bad as a parent? I still feel guilty that I didn't do enough to get a family court's to realize that my daughter wasn't in a safe, loving home. When I was raising my voice; it just got silence over the abuser's hand. 

Then I ask myself was I one of the worst parents out here? I can state with pride that I'm not; because as a mother; I fought for my daughter and dropped thousands of dollars; trying to protect my daughter; when the family court did nothing but just handle her like a number until her demise in 2013.

The final question, I commence my day with is How come God chose me to take this load? I'm still searching for that answer, and I hope to have it at the end of this journey. I only can think of one thing right now. Maybe, I was put on this help to help parent's understand grief and how to protect their children while they are going through Parental Alienation or any type of abuse.

*I have dyslexia, so if any tense are wrong, please send me an email. Thanks. 

Read More

31 Days for Grieving Support and Inspiration

I have signed up to take a #31day challenge this upcoming October. It's when you write or share one topic. My topic for this October is dedicated to my daughter. I lost my daughter on August 25, 2013 and sometime's I just need to read a quote or see that someone is feeling the same lost. All post will be written in 5 minutes each day.

So for 31 days; I'm going to share my favorite quote or moment with you, that help me with my day. I hope you'll find comfort of knowing someone is going through the same process of grieve.

Here's a snapshot of my post schedule:

Day 1: Mother's Grief
Day 2: 2 Ways to Challenge Grief
Day 3: Comfort
Day 4: It's hard to get out of Bed
Day 5: Joy
Day 6: Memories
Day 7: Denial and Isolation
Day 8: Shock
Day 9: Private Conversations
Day 10: Recovery
Day 11: Acceptance
Day 12: Anger
Day 13: Depression
Day 14: Numbness
Day 15: Emotional Despair
Day 17: Reorganizing
Day 18: Pain
Day 19: The Upward Turn
Day 20: Working Through
Day 21: Hope
Day 22: Guilt
Day 23: Fear
Day 24: Sadness
Day 25: Support
Day 26: Inspiration
Day 27: I'm not alone
Day 28: Her favorite books
Day 29: Her favorite color
Day 30: Healing
Day 31: Reflection on my journey

Read More